Oh No You Didn't!
by Larien Calaelen
Summary: A oneshot spoof on the infamous blacksmith shop swordfight. Instead of a swordfight, it turns more into a battle of the insults! Written for English class.


Oh No You Didn't! 

Summary: A little spoof on the fighting scene with Will and Jack that I wrote for English. Instead of a sword-fight, it turns more into a battle of the insults!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I'd like toown the compass and the dry land joke, considering I actually made them up myself!

* * *

"You're the one they're hunting. The pirate," Will said, pointing his sword towards Jack.

Jack had just escaped Commodore Norrington of the British Royal Navy. He thought it was a pretty good day for a pirate such as himself. But then, just as he had found cover in the blacksmith shop, _and_ broken his iron handcuffs, _this_ one just had to come threaten him with a sword. _Typical_, he thought, _I always get this sort of mess_.

"You seem somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?" Jack countered, pulling out his sword as well.

"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates," Will replied, sword still outstretched.

"Ah. Well, then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record, so if you'll- HEY! Did you call me a pirate?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Will said jokingly.

"Well, if I'm a pirate, then what are you?" Jack asked.

"Not a pirate," Will replied.

Jack frowned. Will was winning in this fight with words. But he knew one fight he could win- a fist fight. Re-sheathing his sword, Jackwalked up to the blacksmith and gave hima square blow on the jaw.Jack saw Will fall to the ground, gave him an "I'm-better-than-you-so-don't-mess-with-me" look, and strode to the door to leave the shop. Just as he was about to open the door, Will got up and heaved his sword at Jack, who it missed by about an inch. _Darn it! _Will thought._But at least it hit the lock._

"You think you're something, don't you?" Jack asked Will. "Well, I'll show you who the better pirate here is."

Will sighed. "I am _not_ a pirate. I am a blacksmith."

"Yeah, whatever," Jack said nonchalantly as he tried to pull the sword out from the door. After a great ordeal, Jack turned and said, "That is a wonderful trick."

"Yeah, I know. I _do_ practice three hours a day," Will interrupted, jumping at the chance to boast his skills.

"That is _it_! You have messed with the wrong pirate!" Jack yelled at Will. And with that he pulled out his sword again and lunged at Will, so beginning an epic, well choreographed sword-fighting sequence.

"Oh, so you _are_ a pirate?" Will asked as the two fought.

"No! Well, maybe, but keep your voice down!" Jack yelled again.

"Why don't you?" Will asked.

"Eunuch!" Jack yelled.

"Rum-obsessive!" Will yelled back.

"You're so confused that when you look at your defective compass, you still find north because your head is so full of lead!"

"It's iron, iron mate- HEY! Oh, no you didn't!" Jack yelled as they continued fighting around the shop.

"You're such a bad captain, that you sunk your ship on dry land!" Will said.

"_That_ goes against the rules of physics!" And Jack took a sand bag and slashed it with his sword, spilling the contentsall over his opponent. Hethen kickedWill's sword away, whileWill was blind to allelse but the dust around him.

Once Will'svision had cleared, he saw that Jack had pulled out a pistol. "Rules of physics? I don't think you know any rules at all! You cheated!"

"Pirate," Jack said.

"Oh man, I forgot, you can do that," Will said, remembering that all pirates ignored the fencing rules.

Jack heard soldiers at the door, no doubt trying to hunt him down. "Move away," he said.

"No!"

"Please move!" Jack said pleadingly as the soldiers continued breaking in.

"No! I cannot just step aside and let you escape." Will said. "The _last_ thing we need is you running all around town," he mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that!" Jack said.He suddenly heard the knocking again, this timelouder. He shook his gun at Will. "This shot is not meant for you."

"Oh man, what're you gonna do, shoot me?" Will said mockingly.

Jack looked down at his boots. "Maybe, maybe not," he grumbled.

"You're such a chicken pirate that you can't even win a fight, even if you play unfair," Will said.

"Am not!" Jack yelled. "You're so-" he was cut short as Mr. Brown, Will's drunkard blacksmith boss,knocked Jack on the head from behind with a drained bottle, so ending their epic, well choreographed sword-fighting sequence, and knocking Jack out cold.

At that, Commodore Norrington and a few of his soldiers burst through the door, finding a knocked out Jack Sparrow, a dust-covered Will Turner, and a Mr. Brown with a broken bottle. "Excellent work, Mr. Brown," the Commodore said. "You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Hey! I was the one who fought him in an epic, well choreographed sword-fighting sequence!" Will yelled, wanting to take credit for his work.

"Oh yeah, wanna bet?" the Commodore asked him.

"Not again," the authoress moaned…

**A/N:** This is just a littlespoof on thesword-fighting scene thatI wrote for English class and decided to post as a one-shot here. My English teacher loved it, I hope you did too! Please review!


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